Your Failures Do Not Define You

your-failures-do-not-define-you

So why am I always preaching “feel the fear and do it anyway”?

How about I give you a glimpse of some of my past experiences?

First of all, I must tell you that my upbringing was NOT glamorous AT ALL.  In fact, looking back I clearly remember a thought that always crossed my mind as I was growing up.  “Mom and dad really didn’t mean to have me”.  You see, I always felt like I was a burden to them.

Without going into some type of “whoa is me” story, I’ll tell you that my parents clearly DID NOT value education.  They didn’t plan to send me to college.  My father’s view on this was that I would find a “man to take care of me”.  It seemed every dream I had, he squashed.  I wanted to go college, he said he didn’t have the money to send me.  I told him I wanted to go in the Army and he told me I was not allowed to because all I would do was go out there and get pregnant.  I told him I wanted to get married and he said he had no money for a wedding.

He managed to clip the wings off all of my dreams.  In retrospect, I wish someone had told me to hang on to my dreams.  But no one did.  And very quickly, as I felt I had no hopes of an amazing life I started to make really bad decisions, one after another.  My parents withdrew me from school in my Junior year because I was pregnant.  They didn’t want to be embarrassed by their daughter having a child out of wedlock so they forced me to get married at the age of 16.

Soon after having my son, I realized I needed a diploma but I was embarrassed to go to the vocational school because I thought vocational school was for “losers” and I didn’t consider myself a loser.  That’s what I said…  But the truth is that I felt like a loser and like everyone would judge me for having a baby.  After all, my father was so embarrassed that he pulled me from school.

One day, right before I turned 18, I decided I would get my G.E.D. and that I would get divorced from my son’s father who I didn’t want to be married to in the first place.

I had a job so I found an attorney and got divorced and also paid the fee to get my G.E.D.

These two decisions would be the first attempts at following through with decisions even when I was scared of the unknown.  I did feel the fear and I did it anyway.  But I was only 18 then and now 18 years later I can finally say I’m not scared of moving towards my dreams.  My biggest fear is what will happen if I DON’T move towards my dreams.

So you see…  I’m still motivated by fear.  But now, it’s different.  Before, fear would stop me, it would paralyze me.  Now, the fear of not achieving and how my children would be impacted in a negative way is what motivates me. So, this drives me to feel the fear and do it anyway.

Today, I’m 18 college credits away from finishing a bachelor’s degree in Psychology.  Next stop?  Master’s Degree.  I have a full time job, I go to college full time, I have a 10 year old and a 7 year old, I am married, I cook for my family everyday, I do the laundry…  Yes, I have a super full plate right now…  But I will do it anyway!

Starting this blog was a very scary thing for me to do.  Who would read this?  What would they think?  Would people like me?  What if the people I don’t like read this?  Do I want to share my life with complete strangers?

Yes, I do.  I believe that so many people need someone to tell them to HANG ON TO THEIR DREAM.  You can do it!  Yes, you!  You too can feel the fear and do it anyway…

And if sharing some of my experiences with you, motivate or inspire you… then I’m not living in vain.  I’m not just taking up space on earth.

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