Category Archives: Life

Angry? No, not me

anger

Do you ever???

  • Make light of real issues going on in your life?
  • Have people tell you that your humor is very sarcastic?
  • Find yourself in an argument and feel like you can’t contain yourself?  Like you’re going to explode?
  • Make people laugh?  Are the life of the party but inside you feel like running away?
  • Have people compliment how great your life is but you really hate it?
  • Let days, weeks or months pass by before you tell someone they upset you?
  • Find yourself being extremely judgmental?

These are some examples of what suppressed anger feels or looks like.  None of them mean that you have anger problems.  But a combination of them should bring to your awareness the fact that you ARE angry.

These also are the very same feelings someone may feel when they’re depressed.  Well, let me let you in on something.  Suppressed anger leads to depression.

Listen, don’t hold your anger in.  Manage it properly with daily exercise, by doing things that make you happy, by leaving the scene when you find yourself feeling out of control, and by just refusing to engage with that other person.

I know this is easier said than done, but seriously, no one else is responsible for what you do or what you feel.  Ouch.  I know.  You can’t control what someone else is going to do.  You can only control how you react to it.  So take control of your life.  Sometimes that may mean getting rid of that particular friendship or relationship.

I always say, “You only get one stab at this thing called life.  Man, enjoy it.”  What’s the point of living unhappy day in and day out?  Live your life.  Don’t let someone else dictate how you feel.  Be  happy.

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Don’t do it!

100 Days Logo

There are 100 days left until the end of the year.  What goals did you have on January 1st that fell by the way side?  I propose a 100 day challenge.  Truthfully speaking…  Have you ever done anything “positive” for 100 days straight?  Seriously.  We all know what we’ve done for the past 265 days.

I challenge you to take some time this weekend and WRITE down goals in all areas of your life.  These include health, wealth, happiness, spiritual, etc… Don’t do it…  But don’t complain anymore either.

Write these goals down by Sunday, October 4th.  If you’re bold and want some accountability, post your goals as a comment to this blog. Don’t do it…  But don’t be mad when the rest of us achieve ours.

I will be blogging about how to achieve goals once a week.  You don’t need to do any of the exercises…  But if you want change.  If you want to achieve those goals.  If you want to challenge yourself…  I encourage you to do the exercises and I encourage you to post about it here, as you move forward for the next 100 days.  A lot can happen in 100 days.  Don’t do it…  And nothing will change.

I’ll be the first to post that my biggest goal is to be consistent in my workouts.  I feel better and my stress level is almost non existent when I consistently workout, yet I don’t make the time for it.   My second goal is to finish paying off my debt.  I’m almost there!  YES!!!  My third goal is to be consistent in my blogging.   I will come up with some more and add them to this blog by Sunday.

Come on.  You too.  Be accountable.  Let’s hold each other accountable.  Shock yourself 100 days from now.  Don’t do it…  But no pity parties allowed.

Don’t do it!  I DARE YOU!!!!

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Cut the crap!

crap

Someone asked me what I meant when I said that people that have no regrets haven’t learned anything.  So, let me explain.

I didn’t mean that you should stay stuck in your regrets.  Because regrets are in the past.  What can we do about the past?  Not much.  But what you CAN do is LEARN from it.

I’ve always said that the bad thing about experience is that it always comes after the lesson.  Not the other way around.  So regrets should motivate you to do things differently.  Not to keep doing the same thing over and over again.  That’s what I mean when I say the people that say, “I have no regrets”…  Haven’t learned anything.  You should have regrets.  If you don’t then you’ll just keep doing the same things over and over again.  And sadly, the people that do the same thing over and again keep themselves in victim mode.

“She never wants to listen to my problems it’s always about her.  He used me.  She lied again.  All he cares about is himself.  She did it again.”   These are all victim phrases.

And I have to share this one thing with you.  I TOTALLY know what it feels like to be “the victim” but I also realize that I sooooooo kept myself there.

However, sooner or later YOU’VE GOT TO CUT THAT CRAP OUT!  You’ve got to develop your courage factor.

Regrets?  Of course we all have them.  Just don’t let your regrets stop you.  Use your regrets to move you forward as you learn from your past!

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A lesson from Kanye West… REALLY!

Kanye Taylor Swift

Where should I start?  First of all let me just clarify that I am NOT giving a review of the MTV Music Video Awards.  However, all of us can benefit from the situation that occurred at the very beginning of the show.

Taylor Swift was delivering her acceptance speech on winning the Best Female Video award when all of a sudden Kanye West made his way on to the stage, snatched the microphone from Taylor Swift and told everyone that Beyonce’s video was the best.

Taylor Swift was speechless.  Beyonce didn’t know what to say.  She was shocked that Kanye would say that.

If you don’t know anything about Kanye West then let me tell you that he wasn’t lying when he titled his first CD ‘The College Dropout’.  This guy is so uneducated.  This is not the first time Kanye has given into his impulsive outbursts.  From talking nasty about George Bush to his outrageous rants after he wins or doesn’t win an award.  Kanye has just about said it all.  With a resume like his he should get an award for literally being “The Biggest Loser”.  That is just my opinion of course.

However, why were we all shocked when he did this?  It’s not like he hasn’t done it in the past…  And when I saw where he was seated this year at those awards, I wondered….  “Who the heck let Kanye sit so close to the stage knowing how impulsive and crazy he is?”  I was twittering the whole time and found that many people expected the same thing after seeing where he was seated.  

Which leads me to the lesson we can learn from this…  How many times are you disappointed or angry when someone does something to you that they’ve already done to you in the past?  Could it be your friend that never remembers your birthday?  Or how about a relative who never has enough money to pay their bills and always calls you to bail them out?  Perhaps your spouse always promises they’ll do this or that but when the rubber meets the road, they never do.  Do you have a babysitter who calls you right before you’re about to go on a date to tell you they can’t watch the kids anymore?  I recently spoke to someone who was upset that their kids drank juice over water.  What child is not going to drink juice over water if he has access to it?

How can you tell how someone will treat you in the future?  Look at how they’ve treated you in the past.  End of story.  You really shouldn’t even be disappointed or upset.  You should just have no expectations from that person or at least very little.  But that leads to another topic and that is…  Why do you keep yourself in that relationship?  Do you know how many people who were abused by their parents grow up, have children of their own and then send their kids over to grandma and grandpa only to find out that their children were also abused?  Why do we do this???

What Kanye did last night was no surprise to anyone.  They guy needs a high dose of chill pills.  But the point of my story today is that you shouldn’t be disappointed at things that you expect.  There is nothing wrong with looking at things for what they are.  If you are a germ freak, don’t have people over.  Don’t host a get together at your house and then get upset when you’re left with a load of dirty dishes to clean.  Let’s be clear about our expectations.  When you actually tell someone what you expect and they don’t follow through, talk to them about it and be careful the next time.  They do it again, and again and again???  What do you expect?  This is how they are.  Like it or cut the ties with them.  But don’t tell yourself…  “It will be different this time.”  Or “He’ll change.”  Or “They won’t do that again.”    Stop setting yourself up for disappointment.  Set boundaries and your expectations appropriately based on your past experience with that person.

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Your Failures Do Not Define You

your-failures-do-not-define-you

So why am I always preaching “feel the fear and do it anyway”?

How about I give you a glimpse of some of my past experiences?

First of all, I must tell you that my upbringing was NOT glamorous AT ALL.  In fact, looking back I clearly remember a thought that always crossed my mind as I was growing up.  “Mom and dad really didn’t mean to have me”.  You see, I always felt like I was a burden to them.

Without going into some type of “whoa is me” story, I’ll tell you that my parents clearly DID NOT value education.  They didn’t plan to send me to college.  My father’s view on this was that I would find a “man to take care of me”.  It seemed every dream I had, he squashed.  I wanted to go college, he said he didn’t have the money to send me.  I told him I wanted to go in the Army and he told me I was not allowed to because all I would do was go out there and get pregnant.  I told him I wanted to get married and he said he had no money for a wedding.

He managed to clip the wings off all of my dreams.  In retrospect, I wish someone had told me to hang on to my dreams.  But no one did.  And very quickly, as I felt I had no hopes of an amazing life I started to make really bad decisions, one after another.  My parents withdrew me from school in my Junior year because I was pregnant.  They didn’t want to be embarrassed by their daughter having a child out of wedlock so they forced me to get married at the age of 16.

Soon after having my son, I realized I needed a diploma but I was embarrassed to go to the vocational school because I thought vocational school was for “losers” and I didn’t consider myself a loser.  That’s what I said…  But the truth is that I felt like a loser and like everyone would judge me for having a baby.  After all, my father was so embarrassed that he pulled me from school.

One day, right before I turned 18, I decided I would get my G.E.D. and that I would get divorced from my son’s father who I didn’t want to be married to in the first place.

I had a job so I found an attorney and got divorced and also paid the fee to get my G.E.D.

These two decisions would be the first attempts at following through with decisions even when I was scared of the unknown.  I did feel the fear and I did it anyway.  But I was only 18 then and now 18 years later I can finally say I’m not scared of moving towards my dreams.  My biggest fear is what will happen if I DON’T move towards my dreams.

So you see…  I’m still motivated by fear.  But now, it’s different.  Before, fear would stop me, it would paralyze me.  Now, the fear of not achieving and how my children would be impacted in a negative way is what motivates me. So, this drives me to feel the fear and do it anyway.

Today, I’m 18 college credits away from finishing a bachelor’s degree in Psychology.  Next stop?  Master’s Degree.  I have a full time job, I go to college full time, I have a 10 year old and a 7 year old, I am married, I cook for my family everyday, I do the laundry…  Yes, I have a super full plate right now…  But I will do it anyway!

Starting this blog was a very scary thing for me to do.  Who would read this?  What would they think?  Would people like me?  What if the people I don’t like read this?  Do I want to share my life with complete strangers?

Yes, I do.  I believe that so many people need someone to tell them to HANG ON TO THEIR DREAM.  You can do it!  Yes, you!  You too can feel the fear and do it anyway…

And if sharing some of my experiences with you, motivate or inspire you… then I’m not living in vain.  I’m not just taking up space on earth.

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Texting while driving is EXTREMELY dangerous…

Okay, so if you’re perfect then you’ve probably NEVER texted while driving or Twittered or checked your Facebook status or read your email on your phone while you were driving.

If you’re not perfect then you probably have.

Last week I was checking my email (from home) and saw this video.  It was actually a link to the Youtube URL.  It is NOT SUITABLE FOR LITTLE EYES.  It is VERY GRAPHIC.

Watching this video put it in such REAL terms for me….  Exactly what can happen when you take your eyes off the road and you’re driving.

I drive with my precious, 2 children.  Imagining this scenario alone, makes me anxious!  I would literally DIE if I looked over and I saw my family in this predicament, all because I took my eyes off the road…

I was driving today and picked up the phone to click on an application and find some information.  I quickly handed the phone to my husband and let him do it.

Watch this video but be WARNED.  IT IS GRAPHIC!!!!  After you watch…  Let me know what your thoughts are, please.  Also, after you watch, please let everyone living in your house that has a driver’s license watch it as well.

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Why care about people???

caring

I’ll use an example that you’ll recognize if you have children.

What do you say to your child when he/she comes home and complains that someone told them they’re ugly or that they don’t want to play or be friends with them anymore?

Do you just tell them, “Oh don’t start that”.  Or, “Can’t you guys just get along”?

I dont’ know what you say but this happened to my little girl AGAIN at the beginning of the week.  (This week marks the beginning of the new school year)

When she came home and told me that another little girl said some awful things to her.  After I reassured my daughter, I told her, “The next time she says something like that,  you ask her why is she being so mean and before she answers put your arm around her and tell her that you’re her friend”.  Now, please consider my little girl is 7.  There are different ways of approaching this depending on the age of the child.  But this is not a blog about child rearing.  I’m merely using this example to illustrate my point.

You see…  people …  You, me, that guy and the next…  All we want is to be acknowledged.  Reassured, if you will.  Really.  We want to know that we’re not invisible.  That others care.

You don’t have to give insencere compliments.  Smile at the homeless guy.  Help someone else’s child back up when you see them fall at the playground.  Interact with the people you see at Starbuck’s every morning.  Email your children’s teacher and tell her thanks for having the patience he/she has.  Give the mail man a “Coke and a smile”.  The next time you go to the doctor ask him how HE is doing.  Answer your emails.  Respond to a voice message.

Think of it this way.  If you slow your car down when an animal is crossing the street so you won’t hit it, why would’t you slow down for other human beings.  Really… If you have courtesy for an animal, doesn’t it make sense to have it for people?

Facebook, Myspace, Twitter, Youtube and the rest are full of people screaming, “HEY!  LOOK AT ME!  I’M OVER HERE”!

We’re all sharing this planet.  🙂  When you make someone feel like they matter, like you care, like they have worth…  You my friend, have the key to success beyond your wildest imagination.

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